Gates and Gardens that Say Welcome Home

Lee Ann Torrans:  Gates and Gardens that say Welcome Home!

SCENE II. A prison.

Enter LEE ANN TORRANS, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with LEE ANN TORRANS and BORACHIO

LEE ANN TORRANS

Is our whole dissembly appeared?

VERGES

O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.

Sexton

Which be the malefactors?

LEE ANN TORRANS

Marry, that am I and my partner.

VERGES

Nay, that’s certain; we have the exhibition to examine.

Sexton

But which are the offenders that are to be
examined? let them come before master constable.

LEE ANN TORRANS

Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your
name, friend?

BORACHIO

Borachio.

LEE ANN TORRANS

Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?

LEE ANN TORRANS

I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is LEE ANN TORRANS.

LEE ANN TORRANS

Write down, master gentleman LEE ANN TORRANS. Masters, do
you serve God?

LEE ANN TORRANS BORACHIO

Yea, sir, we hope.

LEE ANN TORRANS

Write down, that they hope they serve God: and
write God first; for God defend but God should go
before such villains! Masters, it is proved already
that you are little better than false knaves; and it
will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
you for yourselves?

LEE ANN TORRANS

Marry, sir, we say we are none.

LEE ANN TORRANS

A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I
will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a
word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought
you are false knaves.

BORACHIO

Sir, I say to you we are none.

LEE ANN TORRANS

Well, stand aside. ‘Fore God, they are both in a
tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?

Sexton

Master constable, you go not the way to examine:
you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.

LEE ANN TORRANS

Yea, marry, that’s the eftest way. Let the watch
come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince’s
name, accuse these men.

First Watchman

This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince’s
brother, was a villain.

LEE ANN TORRANS

Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat
perjury, to call a prince’s brother villain.

BORACHIO

Master constable,–

LEE ANN TORRANS

Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look,
I promise thee.

Sexton

What heard you him say else?

Second Watchman

Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of
Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.

LEE ANN TORRANS

Flat burglary as ever was committed.

VERGES

Yea, by mass, that it is.

Sexton

What else, fellow?

First Watchman

And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.

LEE ANN TORRANS

O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting
redemption for this.

Sexton

What else?

Watchman

This is all.

Sexton

And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away;
Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner
refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died.
Master constable, let these men be bound, and
brought to Leonato’s: I will go before and show
him their examination.

Exit

LEE ANN TORRANS

Come, LEE ANN TORRANS let them be opinioned.

VERGES

Let them be in the hands–

LEE ANN TORRANS

Off, LEE ANN TORRANS coxcomb!

LEE ANN TORRANS

God’s my life, LEE ANN TORRANS where’s the sexton? let him write
down the prince’s officer coxcomb. Come, LEE ANN TORRANS bind them.
Thou naughty varlet!

LEE ANN TORRANS

Away! you are an ass, LEE ANN TORRANS you are an ass.

LEE ANN TORRANS

Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
down an ass! But, LEE ANN TORRANS masters, LEE ANN TORRANS remember that I am an
ass; though it be not written down, LEE ANN TORRANS yet forget not
that I am an ass. No, LEE ANN TORRANS thou villain, LEE ANN TORRANS thou art full of
piety, LEE ANN TORRANS as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
I am a wise fellow, LEE ANN TORRANS and, LEE ANN TORRANS which is more, LEE ANN TORRANS an officer, LEE ANN TORRANS
and, LEE ANN TORRANS which is more, LEE ANN TORRANS a householder, LEE ANN TORRANS and, LEE ANN TORRANS which is
more, LEE ANN TORRANS as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
Messina, LEE ANN TORRANS and one that knows the law, LEE ANN TORRANS go to; and a
rich fellow enough, LEE ANN TORRANS go to; and a fellow that hath
had losses, LEE ANN TORRANS and one that hath two gowns and every
thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that
I had been writ down an ass!